“In the third grade our teacher wanted us to draw a picture and then write a story to read to the class based on the picture. I don’t remember what picture I drew, but I know the story I wrote on the paper was not what I had ended up reading to the class. Later that day after grading the papers, my teacher asked me, “Where is the story I had read to the class and why was it different than what I wrote?” She said the one I had read was much better and she wished I had written that one down. Now most people won’t equate this as a lie, but to me anything changed or half-truths, are lies. I don’t know where and when I started lying and making things up as for me it seemed better to tell a made up story than to just tell the truth, or to speak what was written? I won’t begin to explain the reasons for it as I truly don’t know other than sin, guilt, or maybe just not liking where I am, what really happened, or being liked “better” for the lie, than the truth. I do know that all of us have “lies” or things that make us feel better because of us being insecure, unsure of our lives, and or our walk, and we feel better living in a world of make believe. We love movies, plays, reality TV, and get lost in books, because sometimes fantasy is better than reality, at least in some of our minds. This is also a hard place to get out of and we can find ourselves, lying to ourselves, loved ones, friends, and of course ultimately God, or at least we think we are.

Saul was anointed as king of Israel and the power of God was on him. He was the first king and was blessed with; according to the world’s standards, being tall, dark and handsome,  but ultimately he was just a man. He was filled with jealousy and insecurities because of David; a boy who would play music to him, who killed Goliath, and who his son, Jonathan was best friend’s with. He allowed his life to become a lie and to search for answers from a witch even though he had God’s prophet Samuel to lead him. He listened to the songs about David and grew jealous and instead of turning back to God he allowed his fantasy of who he was and who he should have been ultimately become his downfall and sadly killing himself. We all stand for something as the Bible’s says, we serve either the flesh and or the Spirit and it’s a fine line to be on fire for God, to cursing Him and walking away. We can’t be set on the “once saved, always saved” theology that has been taught and left so many open to living and doing things in the name of God to truly be sad and broken. There are too many examples of those who have been on fire for God who one day, they just walk away with their lives broken and their faith no more. In First Samuel Saul disobeyed Samuel and ultimately God and God told Samuel to anoint David as king and that Saul would no longer be king.  “Now the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD terrorized him.” 1 Samuel‬ ‭16:14‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I have been a liar and I have walked away from God and why God has’t taken His Spirit from me, I can’t answer that, only that by God’s Grace we all go and we can’t make up our faith and change the word to satisfy our desires. The only truth is Jesus died for all of our sins to be wiped away and remembered no more, but we have to come to His truth and not our own. For this reason I share my stories so that now it’s what has been drawn on my heart and it’s no longer me changing the story, but God changing my story and working in me daily, a sinner saved by a loving God.”

by Jose Barajas